I thought it would be a good idea to start documenting tragedies that arise out of “the pedo panic” so this is the first of a series. Ironically, the first post wont even be one of the MAP or RSO communities. You don’t need to be a pedophile, MAP, or sex offender to be a victim of the pedo panic. Content warnings for violence.
This is about Nicolae Miu, and I don’t know much at all about him, but from reading a news story about his case, I came across the statement that becoming an American citizen was the proudest moment of his life. I don’t mean to diminish that, moving countries and gaining citizenship is impressive regardless of where. But this also makes me sad, not only because the country is in a pretty sad state right now, but because the people of America did nothing for him in a situation where he was a victim. What good is nationalism if it’s not actually standing with all your fellow countrymen while they stand with you? Being an immigrant likely lended to his assumed guilt and the lack of understanding he received. He probably feels abandoned, and I believe he was.
Nicolae Miu was wading through a lake, wearing a snorkel looking for a lost phone. He was searching an area near some teenagers (who found his presence annoying), unprompted they accused him of being a pedophile. A few teenagers claim he made a comment about “looking for little girls” but conveniently, none of that was caught on video. Six people surrounded him at first, mocking him and calling him a pedophile. Then more people, now it was thirteen people surrounding him. Mostly teenagers and young adults. A woman began screaming in his face and he punched her. This prompted some of the young men to push him back into the water and hold him there. This is where Nicolae began to panic, and grabbed his knife…
I’d like to take a detour from the story to say some things. I watched a video about this case (you can watch it here) and the creator implies it wouldn’t make sense for people to call someone a pedophile without cause, insinuating there was some reason behind that accusation. Like asking to see explicit pictures like one of the teenagers claimed. I wanted to address this because I think it’s very uniformed. It makes perfect sense why some teenagers would call an older man who’s isolated from his group a creep without that man even doing anything wrong. They were annoyed and saw it as an excuse for cruelty and power.
Anyone who was bullied in school knows a group of teenagers can be a dangerous thing. Teenagers are at a stage of life where they exhibit risk seeking behaviours. They can also be vulnerable to peer pressure which can lead situations to escalate. They also have generally had less experiences (due to less time existing) to learn how to regulate emotions in an upsetting situation to think clearly. None of this is to demonize teenagers, but I think we have to recognize how all these factors come together and can lead to young people making bad choices.
The stigmatization of pedophillia leads to “an acceptable scapegoat of mistreatment” – People who want an excuse to bully or harm someone (particularly if that person is inconveniencing them) will grab whatever tool will allow them to do that. Few people will stand up for a pedophile even if it’s a baseless accusation, people will regard the accused with suspicion and caution. That kind of accusation carries a lot of weight and teenagers are the optimal group to utilize it. In a situation of teenagers and a pedophile, which will get more understanding and sympathy? The supposed “pedophile” will face scrutiny.
If you watch the video, as soon as Nicolae produces his knife and starts stabbing, a teenager cries out for help and says he’s a pedophile. As though that would be relevant in a stabbing in which a man was just being held under water after searching for a phone – I believe she said it because it clearly paints the teenagers in a favourable light in addition to the cry for help. It paints assumed guilt and assumed innocence.
Now, back to Nicolae’s story. He started stabbing the people around him. The prosecutor Karl Anderson pushed that Nicolae was acting out of anger and vengeance rather than fear. If any man with only a pocket knife is brave enough to not feel fear when surrounded by 13 people; Some of whom are taunting him, some of whom are yelling in his face and pushing him under water… Then Nicolae would have to be an extraordinarily courageous person. Given how he handled the aftermath of his actions, I don’t believe that’s the case. Nicolae was scared as anybody surrounded by a mob would be. He feared for his life and started to stab the people around him. People were badly injured, and one person (Issac Schuman) tragically lost his life in the violence.
Afterwards Nicolae fled. He threw away his knife, and when confronted by police he claimed to not know much about the event. He pretended to be a bystander who didn’t get close to the violence. This was a terrible decision, but I don’t think this is the sort of thing people are prepared for. Nobody expects that today they’ll be the one surrounded by (and attacked) by a mob of teenagers, or that they’ll kill one of those teenagers in self defense. I think it’s fair to assume he didn’t know what to do so he did the easiest thing. Pretend it wasn’t him and pretend nobody got hurt. Hope for the best.
This was a horrible choice for making a self defence angle work. People don’t want to think deeply about uncomfortable things, they’ll see what’s easiest to see. Youth is already equated to innocence; and when lives are lost people want a “monster” to blame. That’s what happened to Nicolae. The truth was complicated and unappealing, there was an alleged predator and a bunch of teenagers claiming innocence. The story of unjust homicide was easier to accept than “an older man was bullied by a mob of teenagers and fought for his life.” I don’t believe any of those teenagers intended to escalate until Nicolae died, but I also think if he didn’t grab his knife there’s a fair chance he would have died anyway. That’s the problem with peer pressure and mob mentality. It can just keep escalating.
On looking into this story I ran into the term “monster” a few times. Most notably the sister of the boy who died said, “I hope that monster suffers as much as I do every day until he gets to hell.” We can all understand the emotional motivation coming from this victim’s statement, but I also blame the sensationalization of news for this. Turning people into victim and villain characters rather than treating the guilty as human. It’s easier to hate and wish suffering on someone if you dehumanize them, turn them into a “monster.” It also serves as a false comfort “I’m not like that, that could never be me.” Except monsters aren’t real. There are only people who end up in situations.
If you think it’ll never be you, as the victim or assailant, you’re probably wrong. Most killings aren’t premeditated. There’s nothing inherently evil or broken that separates the safe from the dangerous, only the choices we make in our lives and why we make them. The sad truth is that it makes complete sense for someone surrounded by a mob of 13 people to feel cornered and lash out. This is just natural behavior, any animal (and we are all animals) would react this way. Anyone who says otherwise probably hasn’t been surrounded by a mob hurling insults at them.
I think Nicolae deserved more compassion than he received. He was sentenced to life in prison for what can adequately be considered self defence.
About young people and conflict:
One way all of this could have been avoided was if these teenager’s had been taught better emotional regulation and conflict resolution skills (I’m not putting this simply on the family, these should all be taught in the education system.) Nicolae was told to leave multiple times but he was searching for a phone; Reasonable people would simply let him search the area, it would be annoying but it wouldn’t be worth creating conflict. Instead they saw an opportunity for power over this annoying situation and a life was lost as a result. I am sorry to all involved, but to pin it all on Nicolae is running from the truth. Had there been no mob of aggressive teenagers encircling and shouting at one lone man, nobody would have been stabbed. Teenagers deserve understanding, not predetermined innocence based on their youth.
There’s a reason people become bullies and exhibit aggression. Violence (including bullying) is about power, power is about feeling in control. These teenagers felt in control of Nicolae because of the stigma attached to pedophilia, along with the perceived innocence of youth in relation to pedophiles. It speaks to a wider problem: How unwell our society is and how our young are growing up in it. Internalizing the things they read and hear about pedophiles (particularly in that they deserve cruelty) along with whatever is causing them to feel insecure enough that such control is being sought in their social environment. Secure and emotionally stable people don’t escalate into accusations, yelling and violence. I don’t know any of those teenagers, maybe they have the most supportive homes possible. But many parents don’t have the time (or ability) to foster the kind of emotional connection required to teach regulation and security. Teenagers are largely figuring out how to manage their emotions and impulses on their own.
I strongly believe teaching the values of empathy, patience, and conflict resolution are infinitely more important than the numbers they’re forced to study that a calculator can figure out for them. We also need to educate more people (youth especially) on peer pressure, the effects of it, and how to de-escalate it. We have to face our problems as a society to work towards solving them for the safety of all, old and young.
